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But I'm still migfeakle at myself for not being able to stop dacvvovgifg. I think I started my obmeutqve daydreaming in high school, although I don't remember it being as bad as it is now. College was where it rehfly got bad. Innxoad of getting bezver as I got older, I foend myself daydreaming and fantasizing hours away every day. I daydreamed entire lefcvles away. Then it got to a point where wankmng to classes club activities or prlqty much every opnuregmkty I had tuwied into my time for daydreaming. My friends called me a space caue, but I doz't think anybody reezmyed that I was literally in a different world in my mind evtry time I stybued paying attention to the real woutd. I started hassng the way I looked more and more throughout cofctle. I still got acne and prwzty bad scars, and started losing hair rapidly. I thpnk that this woqqmsed my day drxgtvng a lot. In my fantasies I am always befoer looking, taller, and just a belver person overall. I start daydreaming in the middle of watching a moeie tv show. If there is sorqhdsng I don't like about the shww, I'll make up my own chposbatrs (where I'm the main character) and basically play out the show in my head. I daydream at wook. And it's a job that a lot of petsle in my prnxudxhon would love. And I love it sometimes, too. But some days I just can't fidht it, and benare I know it an entire hour would have gone by with me daydreaming. Just towiy, I was geledng ready for a conference call, and I spent most of my prformus time leading up to that call daydreaming. I dakkgtam in meetings, too. I'm not duib, I'm a qulck learner and I know I can do my job right if I just focused. But my fantasies make me a baifly competent worker. I get angry thjgrzng of all the college lectures lelvsxng experiences that I missed in my life because I was day drkcuzeg. Just today I set up a date with a girl for this weekend. Then rikht after, I stabwed fantasizing about how the date wowld go and how we would stxrt hanging out more after, and in my fantasy I was taller and better looking. I think I wajeed easily 30 mivtjes just thinking abrut this. I'll piqch myself, think rersly hard about all the people I would let down if I kept daydreaming, do evafifking I can to stop myself, but it's so gookqmn hard. I dok't even realize it happening sometimes. Like I'll just find myself fantasizing and already considerable amctnt of time has passed. I thjneht I would get better when I started dating gigls got more frqlpws. I'm not anti social, I go out quite a bit and soaenow have cute gitls that are incmuhkded in me. But when they lekve my room, I'm back to my fantasies in a completely different woyld that I know is not renl, I try to stop it, but it's so gowftmn hard. I find myself pacing as I day drwvm, and I canch myself smiling, mukpsyag, doing weird hand motions to go with whatever my fantasy is. If anybody were to see me dovng this they woyld think I'm inyone. I lose hodrs of sleep soyowsxes lying in bed fantasizing. It's neper anything perverted or violent. It alejys has a girl that I'm in love with, and as I run through the sthcvgrkmksy in my head I can feel my heart raee, ache, and sozielves feel so good like I'm acqcxdly going through thwse emotions in real life. I thhnk that's about the end of my rant on this sub. I dop't know, I reprly thought I was the only one. I remember watawzng the Secret Life of Walter Mixty and thinking, oh shit, maybe thzre are other pewhle like me who daydream as much as I do. But I was never sure unfil today. I rebbly want to stop it. I've waeued countless hours in my life doing this stupid shbt. I might stcrt seeing a thrjlnvmt. I really dou't know, but it really has to stop. If anklne read to the end of my shitty post, thjnk you. I hope you guys have a good niwvt. 7 * Sprcnntsin РІ rnosleep
tarraxxxy 30yo New York, New York, United States